hmmm..now, i can feel the pressure of being a nursing student.. haii..aside from the other co-curricular activities that we are going to have and encounter, hmm.. i can say that this career is really a tough one. Aside from that, i also feel pressured of the people around me when the topic is all about love. From what one of my friends told me.."cez, haba ng hair huh..muLtiple choice ang pagpi2lian..u have to choose nah".. arrghh.. but I CAN'T..! I feel that everyone of them is all the same. I don't feel that they are serious enough to love and be loved. I don't want to have a traumatic experience when it comes to heart matters.. When can I say that a person will love me truly? and how can I trust them of my heart?! It's maybe confusing for me because up to now, i still don't know the answer why break-ups just come along in a relationship, especially when they are committed for a long time, like for instance a year or years..

I just maybe have to believe in magic. As what the song says.."Got to believe in magic..Tell me how to people find each other...In a world that's full of strangers.."

Is it my fault of not trusting anyone of my heart?.. I once gave my trust to a person but he destroyed it without maybe knowing that he did. I thought he is different from other guys or man that I've met, but no..I was wrong! I just hope & wish that someday, I'll find the right one.. the man who is not a chickboy or playboy. The one who will let me love myself first before loving him and the one who will not take me for granted..

--->>> *cez* <<<---

i broke my promise!

oh my God..! i thought i can do it but the opposite happened..In my previous blog, i promise myself to forget the guy I think I'm falling in love with.. It's simply because things may seem very complicated if i'll say what I feel..but i think the result just went worst! ='(

i think it became more complicated because the more i'm hiding it, the more i'm falling in love with him..huhuhu! i really don't want this kind of feeling because it can maybe ruin our friendship.. what if he doesn't feel the same way? How can i deal with it?! huhuhu! i'm really out of mind this past few days.. tsk tsk tsk..!

I really felt hurt when i saw him with other girl.. yes, i know that i don't have any right to feel that way but tears just fell down my face that moment.. I know he was also shocked when he saw me..but atleast i've known & seen the reality! It really hurts..huhuhu! but i should not be a hindrance to his happiness, so if he really wants the girl I saw he was with then I'll be happy for him,,even if it relly hurts inside!

I've already told some of my friends about this & they all got one advice for me..>>"get real and say what i feel!"..hmmp.. easy to say but very hard to do! =(

well, one thing is for sure.. God knows what's best for me..so i think, i'll just let things happen just the way it is..If i get hurt in the process, it's my fault! I just want to be happy and if it will be its consequence, then let it be..!

>>>> cez <<<<<

it's OVER!

Dealing with the feelings of a human being is the hardest in this world...! minsan alam mong mali pero u can't get rid of it! i know that we should not be pretenders in this world especially with our feelings for other people pero sometimes u can't actually notice that u are already doing it..!

okie,,okie.. i'm talking of myself...! damn!! hehe..! ;p i don't know how did it happed..but promise!! i never forced or intended it to happened.. it just did!! nong una nga, i don't know how to deal with it, coz from what i've noticed from some of my friends with the same experienced..haii naku..it did not worked out! auin,, kea i've decided to do nothing!!

nweiz,, its just maybe a matter of ACCEPTANCE!!! grabehh.. hirap ma-in-love sa FRIEND mo noh.. hirap magsbe that u want him na..that you finally fell in love with him!! haaiiii! lalo na kapag ndi mo alam kng mutual ba kau ng feelings or ikaw lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganun! ai sus!! grabeehh!! feeling ko sasabOg na t0h..!! pero takot kc aq sa RISKS eh! i don't want to do something coz i'm not ready for its consequences! --- grabeh ndi kc aq gnun katapang ehh-- tsk tsk tsk!! sbe nga niLa REGRETS can last a lifetime!! siguro nga true un pero its how things just happend ehh.. for me, i just want to let this feeling go rather than to be rejected by someone! ewww!! negative thinker ba ako para sabhin un.??! e kce pano kng parehas pala kme ng feelings kso we are just both faced with the same situati0n??! aba..dpat kng gusto nia aq mauna xang magsbe.. lalake namn xa noh.. dyahe kea kapag gurl ang unang nagburst out ng feelings.. He should be the first one to make the move! Kea nga sa dictionary mas una ang "HE" sa "SHE" ehh! try mong tignan k0ng ndi ka kumbinsido sa cnabe koh! ahehe..

"People tend to look for a lesson to ease the pain!" --sex in the city; at yan nga ang gagawin koH! hehe..

lesson: MOVE-ON!! be happy.. maybe there is something better in store for me kea i should not rush things up! c0z there are lots of BETTER MAN out there.. I believe so..! everything happens at the perfect time, place, and moment for that PERFECT MAN for me! Now, i'm making its OFFICIAL that im ready to get rid of him.. End point nitoh I'VE LOVED HIM..!!! so,, PERIOD na un!! walang kama (,), semi-colon (;), or question mark (?) na dapat matira.. If he doesn't want me.. fine! if he wants me, he should have the guts to say it..! After all, being COURAGEOUS of expressing his feelings means he really wants to keep me..! So from now April 10, 2006 @ 9am i'm saying --- IT's OVER!!! ---


---> cez <<---

birthday blast..

hmm.. haven't signed in my blog for a week.. our internet connections at home is still not working... argggh.. we dnt know what's the problem of that comp... grrrrrr!

nwez, time flies so fast.. It was as just a year ago when I had my debut.. now, i again had my bday and i'm officially a 19-year ald gal.. hmmp.. haha! My parents asked me then of what will I do on my bday, I just told them that I want a new cell phone because my old fone was already 2 years in my hand.. hehe! I've been searching in the internet of what the best cell phone can be fitted for me.. Actually, I found the Samsung i700 a very interesting one, yet when I solicited for its price, I've found out that it was not yet in the market! arrghh! Maybe its not really the type of phone that is meant for me! waahH!

On the nice part of the story, I still got a new cellphone.. My parents bought me a Sony Ericsson P910i.. It's kinda big in size, but in spite of that, its a very high-tech gadget at hand with lots of new stuffs and exciting features in it! haha! It costs my parents a 23, 500 pesos. At first I thought I couldn't have it because the budget alloted for my cellphone is suppose to be just a 20,000 box. Thank God my nanay and tatay was really kind hearted for they still allowed me to have that phone! (^^,) -- I really LOVE them so much! mwaah!

A birthday blast happened to me because before they bought me a new cellphone, I still got the chance to invite some friends in PLM to have a simple salu-salo at home.. hehe! We ate at least 8 different foodstuffs with Liempo as the especialty.. haha! My friends really enjoyed it and we had fun during that day! Whew! Hope it will happen again!

So, that's it for now.. (^_^)

argghh! (T_T)

hmm,, nothings change... (^^,)

i got home at about 5:30 today,, mejo exhausting day pero aus lang.. Mejo hindi nga naging maganda pakiramdam ko ngaung araw dhil halos parang nagkasakit ako ngaun pero i still need to go to class, mahirap maiwan sa mga lessons e.. kaya 'no choice' tsk tsk tsk.. grabehh,, halos guzto ko na nga umiyak kanina sa sobrang sakit ng stomach ko.. promiz!! kya nong pumunta me ng clinic, eon pinainom naman nila ako ng gamot,,kaya nong mga bandang 3 o'clock na, mejo magaling na ung sakit ng tiyan ko and mejo naging okei na rin ako.. (^_^)

pagkagaling from school, binuksan ko agad itong computer para gawin agad ung mga pinaggawa ng prof namen sa Info Tech na sobrang dame.. grabbeehh tlgah!! kelangan ng umpisahan ngaun un para before ang due date, which is on friday, e mapasa nah,, tsk tsk tsk! bc bc-han na nman ako diz wik! ARGGH!! sana nga lng magawa ko na xa as soon as possible!!

ahmm,, nga pla.. may natutunan akong bagong lesson ngaung araw na 'to.. cgro un ung hinahanap kong sagot from the tasks na ginagawa namen, (krishna, meckz) which is the yearbook.. Kase naman nakakainiz ang mga tao,, hai naku,, kse ung yearbook kng ndi namen aackasuhin e wla na talagang ga2wa.. naiiniz lang ako, kce sbe ko kla meckz, cgro kung may incentive or parang 'grade' ang paggawa ng yearbook, definitely tapos na un,, cgro kng may award lang ang maka2gawa ng yearbook nong 4th year pa kme, ang dame na cguro nagpaunhan para gawin un!! tsk tsk tsk! ka2gigil!! arrgghh! isa pang naka2iniz,, e ung mga taong nagta2nong kung kamusta na ba ung yearbook namen.. aus lang sana mangamusta kng how its been doing, kung may progress ba or what kce parang kahit paano e mejo concern sila (sana?!) or kng gusto lang nila icheck ung yearbook,, kaso ung iba kase reklamador pah! kame pa ang sinisisi kung baket ang tagal ng yearbook! tsk tsk tsk! kaasar! wag sana nila kmeng ibLame kce it's not our fault,, ewan ko ba kng baket napakairresponsible ng ibang tao! haayy!! pero kagaya nga ng sbe ng nanay ko, may Diyos! lahat nman kce ng gingawa nten e naki2ta nya, kaya kahit mapancin, makita, maapreciate or balewalaen lang ng mga tao sa paligid ang mga gingawa namen, he can see it!! xa na lang ang bahala in the future! hehe! bazta anjan lang palage si God.. he's just watching us!

nweiz, kinda weird but im not feeling good.. hmmp,, parang i want to scream!!! pero ndi ko naman alam ang isisigaw ko! hahaha! *sigh* geh,, gtg.. BIG BROTHER na kase eh! haha! *mwaH*

i'm surprised!!

whew!! sa wakas, natapos ko ng basahin ung novel na "NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH".. hehe! i was surprised by the ending because it can be maybe Mike, the guy who always teased Rudie everyday, who could be her first boyfriend!.. Life is really full of surprises! nweiz,, juz read na lang the novel, it is fun, ndi nakakaboring and has lots of twists! (^^,)

Part nong novel, Rudie asked herself...

"Will I ever find true love? But before that, will I ever have a boyfriend? How does it feel to have someone to love and trust and be with everyday? Someone to call when work sucks, or watch a concert or movie with just to relax? Someone you can turn to and confide in and ask advice from and rely on --- because you know that he shares the same perspective as you? because you know that he sees the world through your eyes.." --> share ko lang! hehe!

Maybe once in my life, I've also shared the same thoughts as Rudie.. Kase nman noh i'm already 18 years old pero i've never been committed to any relationships.. arrgh! Kahit once!! That sucks of course, pero nowadays, parang okei na lng saken! hehe! Now, I'm not looking for one person to love. I'm not deliberately looking anymore. But my ayes are wide open for many lovable persons out there who are equally capable of giving me love! haha! (^_^)

In summarizing it, may point si Rudie when she said that..

"What was I doing thinking that all it takes to find true love is a good marketing plan? Being an idiot, that's what. There are just some things that are immeasurable, unpredictable, and therefore fun, exciting and cosmic. It's not something you can make calculations on in order to arrive at the desired result. It's not something you can make a goal of.."

-->> Love does happen at the right time!! (^^.) ... cEz <<--

a different FriDaY!

hmm,, today, i had a nice daY! HEHE,, actually compare ko sa mga past fridays namen, hai naku super nakakastress tlgah,, buti na lang tapos na report namen about Spanish Colonization which took us 2 meetings, each meeting 3 hours ahh.. (oh dba ang haba ng reposrt nmen,, at ang bigat pa ng LaPtop! whew!) and natapos na din nmen ung mga paper works namen sa Info. Tech.. haii,, buti naman magiging masaya na nman ang life namen nila Krishna and Ana dahil tapos na lahat ng dapat tapusin!! hehehe,,(^^,)

ganito kase un, every friday ang day na sobrang nakakapagod para smen.. kce we are going to go to class which is History & Government at 10 am and will end at 1 pm..wala kameng break dhil 1 pm naman magestart ung info. Tech namen hanggang 4! whew! grabeh diba,, kaya tuwing friday kung pede lang wag mkipagkita sa mga frendz namen e ga2win nmen,,hehe!! kce baka bgla kmeng tanungin,, "stress ka??!" hehe.. yan lagi ang punch line namen kapg friday.. Pero iba ngaung araw na to! hehehe...

May quiz kame sa HisGov about Spanish Colonization,, haii naku kung magre2view ako daig ko pa ang nag-aral para sa finals dahil sobrang haba tlga non! kaya in short, hindi ako nagreview! heheh! bahaLa na si Batman kung baga! haha! kaya nong nagQuiz kme knina nagulat ako dhil 1/4 ng yellow paper lang ang hiningi ng professor namen na mukhang habang tumatagal e bumabaet! infairness sa kanya ahH! hehe! eon, mejo madali lang ung quiz niya.. kaya aus lng tlga kung ndi ka nag-aral basta dapat nakinig ka sa kanya.. tapos after the quiz, dhil absent ung mga next reporters, diniscuss na lang ng prof namen ung ibang part nong American period.. tapos nagpaggawa xa ng activity samen.. & then, while doing the said activity, pinasa ko na sa kanya ung written report nmen.. heheh! tuwang-tuwa xa ah dahil may picture nmeng 3 un.. heheh.. wala lang napagtripan lang namen lagyan ng picz nmen para maiba nman! heheh!

pagkatapos non, nagpunta na kme ng McDo para kumain kce maaga kme dinismiss ni Mr. Ramos! hehe,, kea un.. habang andon kme, binigay na sken ni Ana ung book na "No Boyfriend Since Birth".. haii, out of stock na tlga xa kaya nanghiram na lang ako.. hehe! sa wakas mababasa ko na ang book na dati ko pa trip basahim.. yepey! Habang kumakain kame, pinapanalangin ni Krishna na sana namn daw wala si Mr. San Pedro.. heheh.. aba!?! mukhang effective! heheh.. wala nga kameng prof! heheh! yehey na namn! nagpa2plano na kme manood ng sine non kso may play sa skul and sbe kpag nanood daw kme may incentive daw sa subject nmen! HMMP,, no choice! hehe,, kya pinanood na lng namen ung play.. Aba?! infairness sa mga Maguayen, (nagorganize nong play) ang ganda ng play nila which is entitled "Ang Prinsipe ng Marulaya".. parang korny and boring diba pero maganda ang story niya and mejo may pagkaComedy kaya ndi naka2antok panoorin.. panalo sila.. galing! (^_^)

"God is good all the time.. All the time God is good!"

mwah!

-->> cez <<--