my dream today

june 22, 2010

I had a dream that my bf went home already. The scenario is that we went out. Then though I was all out in giving my attention to him, he neglects me. He takes me for granted. Actually this has been always my "BAD dreams" lately. I don't know why it is always like that, and though it was just a dream, I hate the feeling! ugh!..

*F.Y.I --> I wrote my dream today and plans to write every dream that I had so that I won't happen.., I guess?.. Or if it happens, we'll at least I've written it first before it happened. :P

Today's msg.

Progress doesn't always move in a straight line. In fact, in order to reach to your ultimate goal, often you have to backtrack through territory you thought was well behind you so you can learn something you missed the first time around. Stressing out about lost time isn't worth the worry, though. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery -- after all, isn't that the point of life?

hmmm..now, i can feel the pressure of being a nursing student.. haii..aside from the other co-curricular activities that we are going to have and encounter, hmm.. i can say that this career is really a tough one. Aside from that, i also feel pressured of the people around me when the topic is all about love. From what one of my friends told me.."cez, haba ng hair huh..muLtiple choice ang pagpi2lian..u have to choose nah".. arrghh.. but I CAN'T..! I feel that everyone of them is all the same. I don't feel that they are serious enough to love and be loved. I don't want to have a traumatic experience when it comes to heart matters.. When can I say that a person will love me truly? and how can I trust them of my heart?! It's maybe confusing for me because up to now, i still don't know the answer why break-ups just come along in a relationship, especially when they are committed for a long time, like for instance a year or years..

I just maybe have to believe in magic. As what the song says.."Got to believe in magic..Tell me how to people find each other...In a world that's full of strangers.."

Is it my fault of not trusting anyone of my heart?.. I once gave my trust to a person but he destroyed it without maybe knowing that he did. I thought he is different from other guys or man that I've met, but no..I was wrong! I just hope & wish that someday, I'll find the right one.. the man who is not a chickboy or playboy. The one who will let me love myself first before loving him and the one who will not take me for granted..

--->>> *cez* <<<---

i broke my promise!

oh my God..! i thought i can do it but the opposite happened..In my previous blog, i promise myself to forget the guy I think I'm falling in love with.. It's simply because things may seem very complicated if i'll say what I feel..but i think the result just went worst! ='(

i think it became more complicated because the more i'm hiding it, the more i'm falling in love with him..huhuhu! i really don't want this kind of feeling because it can maybe ruin our friendship.. what if he doesn't feel the same way? How can i deal with it?! huhuhu! i'm really out of mind this past few days.. tsk tsk tsk..!

I really felt hurt when i saw him with other girl.. yes, i know that i don't have any right to feel that way but tears just fell down my face that moment.. I know he was also shocked when he saw me..but atleast i've known & seen the reality! It really hurts..huhuhu! but i should not be a hindrance to his happiness, so if he really wants the girl I saw he was with then I'll be happy for him,,even if it relly hurts inside!

I've already told some of my friends about this & they all got one advice for me..>>"get real and say what i feel!"..hmmp.. easy to say but very hard to do! =(

well, one thing is for sure.. God knows what's best for me..so i think, i'll just let things happen just the way it is..If i get hurt in the process, it's my fault! I just want to be happy and if it will be its consequence, then let it be..!

>>>> cez <<<<<

it's OVER!

Dealing with the feelings of a human being is the hardest in this world...! minsan alam mong mali pero u can't get rid of it! i know that we should not be pretenders in this world especially with our feelings for other people pero sometimes u can't actually notice that u are already doing it..!

okie,,okie.. i'm talking of myself...! damn!! hehe..! ;p i don't know how did it happed..but promise!! i never forced or intended it to happened.. it just did!! nong una nga, i don't know how to deal with it, coz from what i've noticed from some of my friends with the same experienced..haii naku..it did not worked out! auin,, kea i've decided to do nothing!!

nweiz,, its just maybe a matter of ACCEPTANCE!!! grabehh.. hirap ma-in-love sa FRIEND mo noh.. hirap magsbe that u want him na..that you finally fell in love with him!! haaiiii! lalo na kapag ndi mo alam kng mutual ba kau ng feelings or ikaw lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganun! ai sus!! grabeehh!! feeling ko sasabOg na t0h..!! pero takot kc aq sa RISKS eh! i don't want to do something coz i'm not ready for its consequences! --- grabeh ndi kc aq gnun katapang ehh-- tsk tsk tsk!! sbe nga niLa REGRETS can last a lifetime!! siguro nga true un pero its how things just happend ehh.. for me, i just want to let this feeling go rather than to be rejected by someone! ewww!! negative thinker ba ako para sabhin un.??! e kce pano kng parehas pala kme ng feelings kso we are just both faced with the same situati0n??! aba..dpat kng gusto nia aq mauna xang magsbe.. lalake namn xa noh.. dyahe kea kapag gurl ang unang nagburst out ng feelings.. He should be the first one to make the move! Kea nga sa dictionary mas una ang "HE" sa "SHE" ehh! try mong tignan k0ng ndi ka kumbinsido sa cnabe koh! ahehe..

"People tend to look for a lesson to ease the pain!" --sex in the city; at yan nga ang gagawin koH! hehe..

lesson: MOVE-ON!! be happy.. maybe there is something better in store for me kea i should not rush things up! c0z there are lots of BETTER MAN out there.. I believe so..! everything happens at the perfect time, place, and moment for that PERFECT MAN for me! Now, i'm making its OFFICIAL that im ready to get rid of him.. End point nitoh I'VE LOVED HIM..!!! so,, PERIOD na un!! walang kama (,), semi-colon (;), or question mark (?) na dapat matira.. If he doesn't want me.. fine! if he wants me, he should have the guts to say it..! After all, being COURAGEOUS of expressing his feelings means he really wants to keep me..! So from now April 10, 2006 @ 9am i'm saying --- IT's OVER!!! ---


---> cez <<---

birthday blast..

hmm.. haven't signed in my blog for a week.. our internet connections at home is still not working... argggh.. we dnt know what's the problem of that comp... grrrrrr!

nwez, time flies so fast.. It was as just a year ago when I had my debut.. now, i again had my bday and i'm officially a 19-year ald gal.. hmmp.. haha! My parents asked me then of what will I do on my bday, I just told them that I want a new cell phone because my old fone was already 2 years in my hand.. hehe! I've been searching in the internet of what the best cell phone can be fitted for me.. Actually, I found the Samsung i700 a very interesting one, yet when I solicited for its price, I've found out that it was not yet in the market! arrghh! Maybe its not really the type of phone that is meant for me! waahH!

On the nice part of the story, I still got a new cellphone.. My parents bought me a Sony Ericsson P910i.. It's kinda big in size, but in spite of that, its a very high-tech gadget at hand with lots of new stuffs and exciting features in it! haha! It costs my parents a 23, 500 pesos. At first I thought I couldn't have it because the budget alloted for my cellphone is suppose to be just a 20,000 box. Thank God my nanay and tatay was really kind hearted for they still allowed me to have that phone! (^^,) -- I really LOVE them so much! mwaah!

A birthday blast happened to me because before they bought me a new cellphone, I still got the chance to invite some friends in PLM to have a simple salu-salo at home.. hehe! We ate at least 8 different foodstuffs with Liempo as the especialty.. haha! My friends really enjoyed it and we had fun during that day! Whew! Hope it will happen again!

So, that's it for now.. (^_^)

argghh! (T_T)

hmm,, nothings change... (^^,)

i got home at about 5:30 today,, mejo exhausting day pero aus lang.. Mejo hindi nga naging maganda pakiramdam ko ngaung araw dhil halos parang nagkasakit ako ngaun pero i still need to go to class, mahirap maiwan sa mga lessons e.. kaya 'no choice' tsk tsk tsk.. grabehh,, halos guzto ko na nga umiyak kanina sa sobrang sakit ng stomach ko.. promiz!! kya nong pumunta me ng clinic, eon pinainom naman nila ako ng gamot,,kaya nong mga bandang 3 o'clock na, mejo magaling na ung sakit ng tiyan ko and mejo naging okei na rin ako.. (^_^)

pagkagaling from school, binuksan ko agad itong computer para gawin agad ung mga pinaggawa ng prof namen sa Info Tech na sobrang dame.. grabbeehh tlgah!! kelangan ng umpisahan ngaun un para before ang due date, which is on friday, e mapasa nah,, tsk tsk tsk! bc bc-han na nman ako diz wik! ARGGH!! sana nga lng magawa ko na xa as soon as possible!!

ahmm,, nga pla.. may natutunan akong bagong lesson ngaung araw na 'to.. cgro un ung hinahanap kong sagot from the tasks na ginagawa namen, (krishna, meckz) which is the yearbook.. Kase naman nakakainiz ang mga tao,, hai naku,, kse ung yearbook kng ndi namen aackasuhin e wla na talagang ga2wa.. naiiniz lang ako, kce sbe ko kla meckz, cgro kung may incentive or parang 'grade' ang paggawa ng yearbook, definitely tapos na un,, cgro kng may award lang ang maka2gawa ng yearbook nong 4th year pa kme, ang dame na cguro nagpaunhan para gawin un!! tsk tsk tsk! ka2gigil!! arrgghh! isa pang naka2iniz,, e ung mga taong nagta2nong kung kamusta na ba ung yearbook namen.. aus lang sana mangamusta kng how its been doing, kung may progress ba or what kce parang kahit paano e mejo concern sila (sana?!) or kng gusto lang nila icheck ung yearbook,, kaso ung iba kase reklamador pah! kame pa ang sinisisi kung baket ang tagal ng yearbook! tsk tsk tsk! kaasar! wag sana nila kmeng ibLame kce it's not our fault,, ewan ko ba kng baket napakairresponsible ng ibang tao! haayy!! pero kagaya nga ng sbe ng nanay ko, may Diyos! lahat nman kce ng gingawa nten e naki2ta nya, kaya kahit mapancin, makita, maapreciate or balewalaen lang ng mga tao sa paligid ang mga gingawa namen, he can see it!! xa na lang ang bahala in the future! hehe! bazta anjan lang palage si God.. he's just watching us!

nweiz, kinda weird but im not feeling good.. hmmp,, parang i want to scream!!! pero ndi ko naman alam ang isisigaw ko! hahaha! *sigh* geh,, gtg.. BIG BROTHER na kase eh! haha! *mwaH*